I hate being a black female. I feel like I'm destined to be alone for the rest of my life because of my ethnic group. Everyone wants to be with, white women, or women who have lighter skin tones and Caucasian features. It's as if the media is saying...-If you have dark skin, a broad nose, and ample lips, than you're not worth loving or being shown kindness. I think I would have had a better life if I were born white, Asian, or Latino anything other than black.

I don't want to become closer with him because I know his cancer is going to kill him. I don't want to miss him. However, no matter what I do, I can't help getting to know him more and more. He's a wonderful person and I can't let myself miss out on him. I know I can't avoid it. I'm scared.

unprotected sex - again! because I get too drunk. Used to be a heroin addict and picked up hep c and nobody knows. I drink myself to death. I wonder if I do it so that I have an excuse to start using heroin again? I try to go sober but I get so depressed. I know I can overcome these demons but am stuck in a rut at the moment. Here I go drinking again...

I am writing with the hope that putting this out there will get me forgiveness. I believed all is fair in love and war, and I did some terrible things when my g/f broke up with me. I spied on her, accused her friends of doing terrible things to me, accused her of doing terrible things. I felt her friends encouraged her to leave me, so I did whatever I could to make then look bad. I lied to her, manipulated her. I have gotten better, I'm sorry, and I'm still not perfect, but I'm getting better.

Sometimes I don't go to work. I could lose my job because of it, but sometimes I just don't want to go and can't even work up the nerve to call. The fact that I don't want to go is embarrassing enough, but the not calling is worse, so I hide it from my family. I also did this in school... it's almost like I lead a double life, except one of my lives is just total inaction and the other is just boring. A double life is pretty stressful, having to lie all the time, but it wouldn't be so bad if I had more money.

I'm an addict. I'm addicted to adderall, I honestly can't imagine my life without it. It's led me to stay up for days on end, and you know what else I do for days on end? I don't eat. No bodys cared enough to even notice, I have absolutely no support when it comes to getting clean, and being healthy. I've never told anyone this, except for when I overdosed. Just wanted to get this off my chest I guess. peace.

God, I've been obsessed with my professor for a while now... Even though she's female, I've been checking her out... It's not really the body I'm attracted to, but her personality... I so direly wish to hug her again... My obsessive relationships get in the way with being closer to You. I've had this tendency before. Help me form healthy relationships with whomever I am supposed to. Let me focus on finals and You... and not woman crushes...

The more I think about it, the more I realize how incredibly violent I am. I have never hit or threatened anyone. I've been so angry that I've wanted to fight, but I didn't. No, it's all bottled up. It's all just waiting. And it bleeds through when I talk to people sometimes. I genuinely hate people. I know there are good people out there, but the more I know the more I hate. I'm overcome by it. Bu I keep it all in and wait. I'm waiting for the day I snap. I'm actually excited about it and that's probably the really messed up part. I'm becoming the people I hate the most.