I hate living. I have everthing I want and need. But most days I'm on my back on the couch trying to catch my breath. I d k why I do but I hold my breath. Have for decades, I'm 70. I can't breathe, move, or think. No one understands, and how could they? No one wants to hear any more about it. I've seen MDs and specialists MDs and shrinks and they all say they -believe me -(yeah right) but they don't know what the problem is. Anti-depressants help w my mood but not w my breathing. Alternative healers always have diagnoses but their remedies don't help. I have a few friends. I dont want to make friends cuz I feel like shit and un-likeable. I don't wanna get close to people cuz I wpnt like them, or they me. I dont drink, never have but I'm in AA I (I lie) for 28 yrs bc they know what it;s like to feel shitty &dont hide it; that makes me feel better for a day or two. May writing this'll help me feel understood.