I've been infatuated with this guy for around 3 years. I think he's just toying around with me, that he thinks it's funny that someone can -love- him, can feel this way for him, for so long. Like he thinks it's amusing that he can make me react the way I do. I know I use my feelings for him as a distraction from the larger problems in my life, from my mental strife, but it's come to a point where it has become one of the recurring thoughts that plague my mind. I want to die with these feelings, it's like a burrowing hole is clawing its way through my body. I like him but there's no substance, no enjoyment out of it. My soul, my essence cannot stand these feelings, I shake whenever I know he's there. I know there's something wrong with me. The meds that are supposed to work aren't working and I'm scared. What if I'm just a lazy, piece of trash who clings onto any semblance of normalcy? What if I'm not depressed or my anxiety disorder isn't real? What if I'm inherently a failure? idk