Somewhere on Earth;
I feel like I can't give enough effort in relationships. I can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, eat, and drink, so I don't know how to also remember to message my long distance partner. I have been a bad partner in many ways, but I sometimes feel so stifled by the monogamy he wants to role play with me. Why can't he date someone else if he needs attention and company I can't give him? I feel like I'm responsible for everyone else's wellbeing, when I can't even take care of my own. I have friends who are going through grief and horrible things, but I fell guilt devoting my time to them, when my partner gets so little of it. He deserves to find somebody else, but I want him in my life still. I wish there was a way he would just date someone else or leave me and ask to be friends still. I can't handle all this pressure from every direction. He and I want different things, and yet in our unique way, I love him and he loves me. I don't know what there is left to do.