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1.05.2021
nekros;  male;  25;  Somewhere on Earth;  ; 
I can't stop getting severely triggered by my former love interest. We just reconnected and I'm fine with him being in my life and following me on socials... I've also finally forgiven him for the Hell he put me through last year. The resentment is gone--! But the hostility and anxiety won't go away. And idk what to do. I don't want to react with an almost instantaneous panic attack just from seeing his posts or picture. I got so triggered last weekend, I spiraled into a fullblown mental breakdown. Shut my phone off for a week. I told myself I'd go back online today. I'm worried I'll freak out again. I don't know how to make this stop. CBT and calming techniques don't work. It's like a part of me is permanently wounded by what he did, and is reacting with fear. I know exposure therapy works and I can rewire my brain, but... it's a very long and difficult process, and-- I'm not sure I have the strength for that. :( Just Neurodivergent Adult Problems™ lol.
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11, 30, 2022
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